I felt exhausted!
The morning had been particularly exhausting, mentally challenging. I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the drama of my clients mind, of his suffering. During his bi-polar episodes of late he expressed the intensity of his anguish and fear in wildly opposing ways as he pointed to countless reasons why he is suffering, and he made no bones about needing help immediately…from me. His long emails flew at me hard and fast. Most times I can buffer client communications or I’m able to take them in stride without so much as an emotional blip. But today, it was as though I was in his brain and the pressure in my skull pulsated and my thoughts chaotic. I desperately needed a break!
The afternoon sun felt good on my skin and the heat completely engulfed and soothed me as I stepped outside my air-conditioned office building. Many complained about the recently heat-wave but in truth I so enjoyed it. Walking through the local park helped me refocus and calm my thoughts, and ever so slightly helped redirect my attention to what is truly important.
Upon returning I stepped into the elevator. Alone at first, I was joined by two people who quickly darted in before the doors closed, a mother and her daughter. Mom, about 30 yrs, tanned and wearing beachwear and her daughter, roughly 7 years with long hip-length straight light-blond hair also wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I leaned against one side with my back flat against the elevator wall, and the other two stood near the other. My dress shirt sleeves where rolled up to my elbows and my fingers tucked in my pants pockets. We all stood in silence, as people usually do in such places.
The wisdom of a child…
Without a word the young girl walked up to me and stood silently pressing her body sideways against mine. She gently rested her cheek again my exposed hairy forearm and rubbed her face in slow circles. All the while she gazed up at me with her pale-blue eyes and smiled. No words were spoken as she repeated the same motion again and again. My heart swelled in the trust and affection that I was being shown. I sensed that the mother was going to call her child back to her, but I calmly said “It’s ok, I’m so enjoying her attention and feel very blessed”. The mother stopped mid sentence and allowed her daughter to continue. I felt so blessed.
All this happened within the time it took for the elevator to travel four floors, but the scene felt as though it went on forever. The doors open and the girl skipped to her mother and away they went, never to be seen again. When the doors closed again, a smile still on my face, my awareness exploded to comprehend the beauty of what had just happened.
It was the sweetest of gifts, and a validation from an innocent girl who from out of the blue reminded me of the essence of who I really was…of my heart. And what I wasn’t, was the person feeling the suffering of the morning drama, but a person, a being, who resonated a certain beauty that only a little girl could feel and recognize. That mysterious little girl helped me immensely in those few moments, she helped me recognize the essence of who I truly was.